f.a.q. Page 1
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
answers to questions i've been asked.
F.A.Q . January 2020
How many slices of cheese do you put on your grilled cheese sandwich?
Usually two. And, if case you are wondering, I use American cheese. If out, I use cheddar.
What’s your full name?
Brice Patrick Gorman. When I was a kid, I hated the name Brice because it was so unusual and I got a lot of teasing, Such as Brice is nice, Brice eats rice. I am nice, but it’s funny because I don’t eat much rice, maybe twice a year.
When I published my books, I was very happy with my first name because it’s so unusual that I doubt I will be mistaken for another writer. I think a distinctive name in publishing is an advantage.
So that’s not a pen name?
Brice Patrick Gorman is my real name.
What's your favorite Chinese food?
Fortune cookies. It's fun to read the future while
What is your e-mail address?
Why are there so few photos of you on your web page?
Hey, hey, I'm an author not a "movie star"
What are the titles of your published books?
Thought you would never ask! Thanks for the plug!
April Curran Meets the Vampire of Crimson Cove High School. The second novel in the series is April Curran Storms Vampire Camp. And very soon, I am publishing my memoirs of working many years as a public school substitute teacher. The title of this book is Gee, Mister G. Expected publication date of this memoir with Amazon is early January 2020. I'm frequently writing, so I do expect to publish more books with Amazon into mid 2020. Woo-hoo! I must keep the typewriter close by.
Why the goofy titles?
Cause I'm a goofball.
Are they scary vampire books?
The novels were written for an audience of pre-teens
to late teens, so I tried to keep them more humorous
than "scary" and I avoided the heavy duty curse words, for the most part. But there's no reason a
person in their 30's or 40's wouldn't enjoy them.
THINGS THAT GIVE ME THE WILLIES?
THINGS THAT GIVE ME THE WILLIES?
lots more f.a.q. and answers below.
don't stop scrolling down now
have a question for me?
foods i love
Warning: a lot of calories below. proceed at your own risk!
i never could pass
by a pastry shop's
stopping to look
inside the window.
I think i have a
sweet tooth the
size of the
the fanciest meal i
probably a beef
by puff pastry.
it was good!
little known fact.
i love turkey.
(if it's served with
gravy. no gravy?
MY FULL NAME?
BRICE PATRICK GORMAN
WHEN I WAS A SMALL
KID, I HATED MY NAME
BECAUSE OTHER KIDS
MADE FUN OF ME.
YOU KNOW THEY'D SAY
"BRICE IS NICE"
"BRICE ON ICE"
"BRICE EATS RICE"
BUT WHEN I BECAME AN
AUTHOR, I LOVED MY NAME BECAUSE IT'S SO UNIQUE!
THANKS MOM AND DAD!
I'VE BEEN ASKED WHAT IS
MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD
ANSWER: ANYTHING BEFORE
AGE 4 IS OUT OF MY MEMORY
RANGE. WHAT A BUMMER!
I HAVE A FEW MEMORIES
FROM AGE 5 THOUGH.
LET'S SEE. I RECALL AS A
5 YEAR OLD TURNING
ON THE TV
AND SEEING THE
OPENING OF THE SHOW
HAWAII FIVE-O. I RECALL
CHIN HO'S FACE ON SCREEN.
UNDERSTAND THIS WAS THE
1970'S VERSION OF
HAWAII FIVE-O, WHICH
STARRED JACK LORD.
I HAD A GREAT FRIEND WHO
LIVED 3 HOUSES DOWN FROM
ME IN MY FAMILY'S OLD
HOUSE. I THINK HIS NAME
WAS DAVID, BUT DON'T QUOTE
ME ON THAT DETAIL.
WELL, ONE DAY AS
MY MOM WAS DOING
LAUNDRY, I DECIDED TO
WALK DOWN THREE HOUSES
TO VISIT MY FRIEND. I
THINK I WAS ABOUT 5
YEARS OLD. WELL, WOULDN'T
YOU KNOW ONE OF FLORIDA'S
JUST AS I STARTED MY WALK.
NO RAIN. NOPE. I DIDN'T SEE
ANY LIGHTNING. NOPE. BUT
OH DID I HEAR A CLAP OF
THUNDER. IT WAS LOUD
ENOUGH TO RATTLE THE WINDOWS
ON MY HOME. I WAS TERRIFIED
AND RAN BACK INTO MY HOME.
MY OLD HOME HAD A SMALL
SWIMMING POOL IN THE
BACKYARD. NOTHING FANCY.
WHILE MY MOM WAS DOING
CHORES AND MY DAD WAS
SHAVING IN THE BATHROOM,
I FELL INTO THE POOL.
I YELLED FOR HELP, AS I WAS
NOT A GOOD SWIMMER AT
AGE 5. MY DAD WAS IN HIS
UNDERWEAR AND JUMPED INTO
THE POOL TO SAVE ME.
BUT HE WASN'T A VERY GOOD
SWIMMER, APPARENTLY, AND
AFTER SAVING ME HE
STARTED TO BE IN DISTRESS,
SO MY MOM, WHO WAS A
GREAT SWIMMER AND HAD
VERY STRONG ARMS FROM WALKING
WITH CRUTCHES, HAD TO JUMP
IN AND SAVE BOTH OF US.
SIDE NOTE: AFTER THAT
INCIDENT, MY FATHER TOOK ME
FOR SWIMMING LESSONS AND
I DID QUITE WELL.
Do you support gay marriage and
I'm straight. However, I don't tell other people how to live their lives and I don't want want anyone to tell me how to live mine. I respect the path a person takes, and if they are happy I am happy. I strongly believe there is no place in any modern society for harassment, bullying or discrimination in any form against any person due to their orientation.
I'm a straight male, but I believe
all should be treated
with respect and dignity.
Let's stop the hatred.
Let's cease the bullying.
Where can I read some writing samples from the novels?
If you want to read some writing samples -- oh
you are sooooo nice -- just go to the "writing samples"
page on this website.
Where can I read a synopsis of the novels?
If you want to read a novel's synopsis, just go to
the "writing samples" page on this website.
What are the advantages of doing a series?
Well, let’s see. Series are rather popular these days, so I believe if the series “catches on” sales can be good and a writer can do well financially.
What are the disadvantages of doing a series?
There are several disadvantages, also. If the first book in the series doesn’t sell well, those that did buy and read the book might still expect future books in the series. So a writer is sort of committed to do more books in a series even if the first book doesn’t do well.
Also, a writer has to be very careful and very aware of all the names and facts and such from the earlier books for proper continuity. Example, a character ( even a minor one ) has a certain name and description in the first book, you must continue that in the second book. For the April Curran Series, I’ve really tried to “get to know” my characters so I have proper “continuity” in the following books.
What was your major in college?
I majored in business. Ohhhh, those courses in
economics. Ohhhhhhhh. Charts. Graphs. Charts. Graphs.
Of course, that was nothing compared to a course
in business calculus. Oh my freaking gosh! I should have
become a nurse! Or a chimney sweep!
What kind of writing do you do?
Novels. A memoir, poems and short stories. And I've written a few screenplays. None have sold or been produced yet,
but I'm trying. It's a competitive field, this
screenwriting. My joke is when I sit down to continue
working on a screenplay, I say to myself, "Back to
the salt mines!"
Tell me about one screenplay, please?
Oh, you are so sweet to ask. And thanks for the
plug! Hey, you never know a screenplay agent or a
Hollywood producer might be reading this, right?
Listen, I don't look beautiful enough in a sweater to
get discovered drinking a soda at a corner
drugstore's lunch counter, so I need all the breaks I
Basically, one of my screenplays, my most recent one
in fact, follows a child actress (Raven) from her earliest
days at auditions to achieving the pinnacle of success in
Hollywood at age 18, that being fame so high and mighty
she can't escape it, but will it be her downfall or crowning
moment? She discovers too late there is something
about being too famous, but will she let it destroy her
or catapult her?
It's dark humor / satire about the perils and prances
of too much fame too soon. And it's a humorous take on
Hollywood, with a cast of extras sure to be memorable.
Example: the female thief with the fit physique and
vascular arms that a college-aged Raven falls in love
with after she is robbed of her tacky appliances. Raven's
mom suffers from neurosis and is haunted by her jealousy
for her daughter's fame and wealth, while running from
her own memories of years of being a diner waitress.
The idiot in the parking lot who does a burnout and leaves a giant Z pattern in the dust and dirt. Raven's entitled boyfriend who can't escape his heroin excesses. Raven's aunt who does crime scene cleanup and has a work vehicle with the world's most usual interior dome light. And lots more characters with traits that might stick to the psyche.
Hint hint producers. It's finished and ready to be read.
It's a character driven, low-budget script, with not many, if
any, expensive special effects or exotic shooting locations
Can I read a few pages of this screenplay?
A writing sample of the screenplay can be found on the
"writing samples" page. Enjoy! Hope ya laugh a little . . .
or a lot!
Do you like to write screenplays?
Heck ya. I love goofy, exaggerated dialogue. But make no
mistake. It's a lot of work to write a 90 page or 110 page
screenplay, and no less than twenty times a year people
contact me and ask if they can give me their idea and they
request I write their screenplay. But they refuse to pay,
only offering to split profits 50/50 when / if the work
sells. I must decline these offers, writing a screenplay is
simply too much work to do it on speculation with a
partner. And besides, is it a fair arrangement? A person
gives me their idea, and then I do about 97% of the
work for a 50/50 split? Something just doesn't seem
right with that equation.
Tell me some foods loaded with fiber?
Oh, come on! I mean I answer some joke questions, but
asking about fiber? Oh, come on! Quiz a nutritionist!
Can you write my blog or business brochure?
I've sort of moved further away from freelance business
writing because I encountered an unfortunate oversupply
of people, including some quite affluent ones, who
requested I deliver to them professional quality, fully-
edited, SEO enhanced copy for the same price as people
overseas had delivered to them. Oh, the rudeness I
encountered when I explained to people that I simply
could not match the price of a writer living in a nation
where one dollar a day could feed a family and the
average worker's wage is about 2 dollars a day. One man in
California offered 5 dollars and requested I write a nine
page business brochure. For 5 dollars? That would have
been several days of work for a paycheck that could
barely buy a cheeseburger and fries.
If you have a business writing proposal / request, feel
free to send me an e-mail and we can discuss it.
Can you ghostwrite my novel?
Again, see the above question and answer. More than a
dozen times a year people contact me and request I
ghostwrite their work. But so far the pay offers have
been insulting, to say the least. One man, who offered me
$150 dollars to ghostwrite a 120,000 words mystery, I can
only say it's a mystery why he thinks that was an
acceptable offer. A measly $150 dollars to write an entire
novel from scratch? Oh, frère! That's French for oh, brother.
Can you edit my novel?
See above. A dozen times a year people ask this question.
My official response? Maybe.
However -- and unfortunately -- most people who ask
me to edit their novel offer pay rates that are, well, how
can I say it gingerly? Their offers make me sick to my
stomach! One individual offered a whopping $5.00 to edit
a 96,000 word science fiction novel. Yes, five dollars!
When I declined his offer, he was baffled.
Was your mom or dad talented in writing?
My father was an excellent story teller. He never wrote a
novel, but oh was he a funny man. He died when I was very
young, I believe I was in third grade when he suddenly
passed away after a lengthy and complicated operation
for a large brain tumor. I was so young when he passed
away, I only have a few dozen memories of him. But I
do remember my older sisters and I gathering around as
my dad told humorous stories, both true and made up. He
could make up material on the spot, and it was hilarious.
One humorous true story was about when he was
courting my mom in the early 1960's. After graduating
college, my mom had moved from her native Chicago to Tarrytown, New York, a small, historical bedroom community about 45 minutes' drive north of New York City. My mom rented a room in an old home on one of the steepest roads
in the town, and she lived about a 5 minute drive away from the cemetery where famous author Washington Irving (of the headless horseman fame) was buried.
My father had dropped my mom off at her rooming
place at about 9 p.m. and he started the drive back to
Staten Island, a borough of New York City. Well, it was
dark and he hadn't driven the route much, so he got
detoured into a rather seedy and dilapidated section of
the Bronx after exiting at the wrong highway exit. After
five minutes of driving around dark streets completely
lost, he was so happy to see the highway's on ramp again.
As he was nearing it, out of the dark shadows, a very
large and very scary man walked into the middle of the
pothole-lined road and stopped dead-center with hands
on hips and legs apart. He held a large butcher knife.
My dad slammed on the brakes.
"Listen, Mister," the stranger screamed in the cool
night air, "I want this car! I want this car!"
The stranger stood blocking the narrow road, holding
the knife tightly.
My father said he shoved the car in reverse, but had to
stop when another vehicle drove up behind. So my dad
shoved it in drive, drove onto the empty sidewalk, rounded
a fire hydrant and sped away, leaving the knife-holding
stranger in the dust.
My mother was also very creative, and she could tell
some funny stories as well. She did some writing, doing
some creative, opera parodies and many poems. One poem
she wrote was accepted into a magazine with a sizable
readership and nationwide distribution. She passed away
at age 85 in February, 2019, but I will always remember her
Oh, so many great true stories. My mom was a real
talent! Where to begin?
When she was fresh out of college with a master's degree
in counseling in the early 1960's, she worked as a counselor to help blind people. She was based in Westchester County, but
sometimes had to visit clients further up in some very
rural areas south of the Albany area. And she had polio and
walked with crutches, so I give her kudos for driving in some
harsh winter conditions and having to climb many stairs to
see home bound people. She visited an elderly blind man who
lived alone in a huge country farm house built in the late
1890's. It was creepy, she told me, and huge! No less than
5 bedrooms with a huge porch with many rocking chairs
under the overhang. My mom was puzzled why the blind man
lived alone in such a huge home and he mentioned he was
having financial troubles.
"Have you thought of taking in a boarder?" my mom asked
the elderly man. "Maybe two? You have so many extra rooms."
"Oh," the man replied, "I've tried that several times.
Nobody will stay here. They leave after one night. This house
is just too haunted."
The man explained footsteps were heard. The rocking
chairs moved on their own. Lights flickered.
When my mom returned to the office and told of her
client's rather strange tale, one burly man in her office (her
supervisor, I think) laughed and mentioned he was a huge
fan of ghost stories, but doubted the old man's story. He
thought it was the old man's imagination, and he was
actually looking for a new place to live. So he called the man
and asked if he could spend the night.
The next day at the office, when he arrived for work
everyone asked how did things go? The man responded that
yes, indeed, the rocking chairs did move on their own and he
witnessed things from staying just one night that
convinced him, yes, that house was really haunted. He
refused to go into detail what he had seen, but my mom
said he never returned to that farmhouse.
Another funny true story happened in the 1980's. My
mom was working as a counselor to help blind people
get financial assistance and/or rehabilitation and/or
medical services and/or a job. She was driving one client to
a job interview in the early afternoon on a nice, sunny
Florida day. Her client was completely blind and sat
in the passenger seat. As my mom drove down the road,
they passed a man who was jogging (yes jogging)
completely nude. Yes, the man did not have one scrap
of clothing on. Completely nude in the middle of the day,
just jogging down a sidewalk completely oblivious to the
dozens of cars passing by and the six people standing
further up the sidewalk waiting for a transit bus.
"Oh my gosh!" my mom exclaimed, after passing by
a pair of buns.
"What? What?" the blind man asked.
So flabbergasted, my mom forgot the man was blind.
"Didn't you see that?"
"Uh," the man said, "no, can't say I did."
"A man stark naked just jogged by," my mom said.
"At this time of day?" the blind man gasped as well.
Are you married or single?
Single and looking?
Not looking from the highest mountain with binoculars, no.
Like most people, I'm looking to fall in love and meet the
right partner. I just let fate decide things at my age. I've never been married, just never met the right woman. And, to be honest, I've always been quite poor and I wasn't a great candidate for marriage for this reason. Raising a family is expensive. Many women want a financially stable man.
Have any children?
No. And that's my biggest regret in life, that I never
married and had a family. And now at my age, I think the
era of raising a family has gone by. I never say never, but
the odds of me marrying a woman are much better than
the odds of my having a family.
Where did you grow up?
Florida. And I didn't know it at the time, but my gosh what a
fertile ground for quirky and unusual news' stories and people
the Sunshine State can be. You see it all here, and I'm not
just talking lighthouses and palm trees.
And let's not forget many authors, myself included, get inspiration and ideas of what to write about from what we
see, hear and read each day.
It's been quite a few years since you published your last
book. Why the long delay?
Just been so busy. Okay, first I've been working multiple jobs for more than a decade. Working as a substitute school
teacher. Business writing. Novels. Writing some screenplays.
Plus, I've taken care of my mom, who was elderly and in a
wheelchair after being left handicapped by polio when she
was a small child. And one of my sisters has a chronic
illness, so I've been taking care of her and my mom, running
errands and helping in many other ways. So between working
multiple jobs, writing screenplays, and taking care of two
people in my family, I've just been so busy. My mother, age
85, passed away in February 2019, and she is greatly missed. I
do have several books that have been completed and I hope
to publish them in the spring of 2020. And I'm writing often
and planning more books, too. I'm hoping 2020 will be an
exciting and productive year in my life regarding my works
of fiction and non-fiction.
asked questions below. keep scrolling down.
Thank you to all my fans who have sent nice comments and / or asked nice questions.
a temporary pause with the questions and answers for some
want to read any of my books but your wallet is a little thin? want to read my memoir but your purse is a little light? i know the feeling, well, at least about the wallet. i never carted around a purse.
so here's a suggestion. write down my books' titles and call your local library and, if the book is on the shelf, you can borrow the book. don't forget your library card! if your local library doesn't have a copy, a librarian might be able to borrow a copy from another library using interlibrary loan.
also, most libraries appreciate reader suggestions about which book to place on the shelf. so consider calling a local library branch and ask the librarian if they can place my books on the shelf.
What are some foods you would never eat?
Hmmmmm. Haggis. Snails, also known as escargot. Chocolate covered ants.
P B and J or ham and cheese?
Do you plan on doing any book signing tours soon?
I’m not sure. Visit this website once a month and I will try to keep readers updated on any book signing tours I plan. I would most likely post
such updates on my blog.
Do you think a new ( unpublished ) writer has to use an agent to get published today?
I think if that writer wants to be published by some of the larger publishing houses and wants to command a large upfront advance, then I would think an agent is likely a necessity. If a writer is happy self-publishing, print on demand publishing or publishing with a small or regional publisher for a lesser advance they might not need an agent.
I’ve had people tell me they just finished their novel, remark how much work writing is and they won’t sell it for less than a $25,000 advance. I roll my eyes and wish them good luck. And I tell them get an agent. They want a $25,000 advance, get an agent I tell them in no uncertain terms.
I’ve written a few chapters of a novel. Can I send them to you and you can read and critique them?
So sorry, NO. First of all, I always tell people if you have an original idea that’s awesome, keep it to yourself. I’ve heard of people who have had ideas taken. So keep it a secret.
Second, I don’t have the time to do this.
Third, there are probably some legal issues to all that.
Fourth, the last thing I want to do is read something that is lousy and have to dash a writer’s hopes and dreams by being honest and saying it’s lousy. And what if I want to be nice and fib and say their lousy work is good just to spare their feelings? Would that assist them in the long run?
I always say be careful when letting close friends or family members read the material, because they might go out of their way to be extra kind as to not hurt any feelings. It's best to take a creative writing course in college or join a community writer's support group where your work can be read by others so they can offer support or comments.
What's the best advice you can give to a budding writer?
My best advice is write because you love to write and you want to create works that will entertain, make people laugh or enlighten minds. Don't become a writer to become rich. Few writers command the large advances or achieve fame. Don't do it for the money. The odds of getting rich are not in most writers' favor.
I’m not such a great writer but I have a great imagination. Can I send you my story ideas so you can write them?
No, no, no and a final . . . No! ( Notice the exclamation mark! ) There are way too many legal issues involved with such, and if you e-mail or write me with a story suggestion or a plot idea, I probably won’t even respond.
Hope you understand. Truth is I have a great imagination and one thing I don’t have any difficulty with is thinking up my own plot ideas, dialogue and story lines. And actually that’s one of the best parts of writing, in my opinion. Thinking up the plots and scenarios and twists and turns. When people start telling me their story ideas, I stop them immediately and advise them to do a rough draft outline of their ideas and try to write the material themselves. The only other thing I can suggest is consider hiring a ghost writer. Nervous
about writing a novel? Start small. Write a 1,000 word short story. Remember, it can take years to become a successful and celebrated author.
Why do you think some people assume all writers are wealthy?
Because there are some famous and very wealthy writers out there in the news often and some people think of them instead of thinking that for every big name author there are many many many lesser known writers earning much lower pay. It’s the same when some people think of show business, actors and actresses. Some people focus on the big names that earn huge sums each picture. Many people don’t think of the tens of thousands of actors working in local theaters, summer shows or even working in amusement parks for ten dollars an hour.
I can’t afford a copy of your book but I want to read It. What do you suggest?
I understand in this economy filled with too many 10 dollar an hour jobs,
it can be tough for some people. The best suggestion I can make if you want to read the book ( and isn’t that sweet of you! ) but can’t afford a copy is to contact by e-mail or phone your local library. Request that the library consider adding the book to their collection and then you can borrow a copy. Most libraries can also borrow a book from another library using inter-library loan.
Did you have a piggy bank when you were a child?
Yes until I accidentally broke it. I used the change to buy some chocolate bars, I think. Or maybe it was candy corn.
If you could travel back through time back to the 1880's and the Old West, what would you pack for the trip?
Deodorant. Dental floss. Cinnamon rolls. Oh and, of course, snake antivenom. I've seen too many rattlesnakes in those old westerns to forget the antivenom.
What's the strangest place you've ever seen a person talk on a cell phone?
I saw a guy talking on his cell phone while he went down a zip line. Judging by the look on his face, I think he had a wrong number.
Do you like peaches?
Are you a huge vampire fan?
I like vampire stories and I’ve read some vampire books and seen a lot of vampire movies. Now let me say I am not a vampire fanatic. I have read some Anne Rice books and I have read some ( not all ) of the books in the Twilight Series. One of my favorite vampire movies is the old 1970’s classic Let’s Scare Jessica to Death.
What do you find to be the most difficult parts of writing?
For me, I find point of view to be the most difficult.
Did you use ghost writers on any part of your vampire novels?
Use a ghost writer to write a vampire book!? Nope. All the writing in April Curran Meets the Vampire of Crimson Cove High School was done by me.
Have you ever purchased anything from a door to door salesman?
As far as I can remember, the only thing I ever bought from a person at the door was cookies. When I was a child, my mom purchased a mop from a man selling them door to door. My mom felt sorry for the salesman because he was hot, sweaty and crying. Yeah, he was crying and begged my mom to buy a mop because he had knocked on doors since late morning and hadn't made one sale. The commission-only salesman's head was low and he was crying. My mom felt sorry for the guy so she purchased a mop from him.
Unfortunately, it was not a quality product and the mop tore apart the first time my mom used it. She was not happy.